After many, many sleepless nights, I have made a decision about my marriage..at least, for the time being
*** I will stay married
I may be settling but this is my decision for now. I will remain married to Jim even though I am settling in a way. I cannot give myself to him fully anymore as I must protect myself from further injury and hurt. I could have divorced him because I do make enough $$ to support myself. These are the reasons I'm staying with him at this moment.
1. He says he loves me. And, I think, to the extent that he can love another, he probably does.
2. We have a daughter together. Laura loves her father. She would be heartbroken if I divorced him and may even turn her back on me. I could not take that. Ever.
3. Jim has been extremely kind to me since learning of my great unhappiness in our marriage. He has bent over backwards. This has amazed me.
4. And, selfishly, would I be alone the rest of my life? Who's going to be interested in a woman in her late 50s who had been married more than 30 years. Really, who would be?? I have been lonely in my past experience and I don't want that. I have a lot of companionship in this marriage.
5. Despite the years of divorces everywhere else, I think divorce still has a stigma to it.
6. We have years of financial stability and thousands in savings.I don't want to divide this as I have been the major wage earner all the years of our marriage. I would lose out big time financially.
7.The negatives are very significant...lack of trust and emot'l support, but the overall positives are enough to be ok with it. I can settle.
8. I think I'm easy to get along with.. Probably have been not speaking up loudly enough or forcefully enough regarding what I need in our relationship. That is changing and I am telling him now so he has no questions about it. I'm not being mean..just speaking up for what I need in a relationship.
9. We share a lot of similarities : faith, love of our daughter, similar interests and values
10. I have not seen anyone else whom I'm remotely interested in. I'm extremely picky.
